Accommodations Are Not Cheating: The Importance of Support Systems

Emily Linder
Jul 24
6 min read

Why self-accommodation is a legitimate and necessary tool for success

Imagine someone wearing prescription glasses being told, “You’re cheating—just try harder to see.”

Sounds absurd, right?

And yet, for many neurodivergent people, chronically ill folks, or anyone whose brain or body works a bit differently, this is exactly what it feels like when we’re shamed for using tools, strategies, or supports to function more sustainably.

Accommodations aren’t shortcuts. They’re not “giving in.” And they’re definitely not cheating.

They are access.

They are survival.

They are the difference between barely making it through the day and finally having the capacity to thrive.

In this post, we’ll break down why accommodations are valid and necessary, how internalized shame gets in the way, and what it looks like to craft support systems that work for your actual life, not an imaginary version of it.

The Myth That Hurts Us Most: “If You Just Tried Harder…”

Many of us were raised in systems, educational, occupational, and even familial, that prioritized uniformity and rewarded only one kind of effort: the visible, neurotypical, push-through-the-discomfort kind.

We heard messages like:

“Everyone has to do things they don’t want to do.”
“It builds character.”
“Don’t be lazy.”
“Just try harder.”

When you live in a world that expects one-size-fits-all functioning, anything outside that mold can feel like failure.

And if you're neurodivergent, disabled, or dealing with chronic mental health challenges, trying “harder” often leads not to success, but to burnout, shame, and disconnection from your needs.

This is where self-accommodation becomes radical.

It’s saying: I deserve to function in ways that don’t hurt me. It’s saying: I am allowed to adjust my environment instead of blaming myself. It’s saying: Support is not a sign of weakness—it’s a foundation for sustainability.

What Are Accommodations, Really?

When people hear the word “accommodation,” they often think of things like extended test time or wheelchair ramps. And yes, those are accommodations, but they’re not the only kind.

Accommodations can be:

Using a noise-canceling headset because sounds are overstimulating
Working from home because commuting burns your social or physical spoons
Breaking tasks into smaller chunks and using a visual timer to stay on track
Asking for written instructions because your brain loses verbal directions in seconds
Letting your body double with a friend to get through chores
Choosing text over phone calls because auditory processing is hard
Setting your phone to grayscale to reduce screen time doomscrolling
Using an app to gamify your routine and make it more dopamine-friendly

These strategies don’t weaken your functioning—they optimize it.They don’t reflect a lack of effort, they reflect a deep understanding of what helps you show up.

And here’s the thing: neurotypical people self-accommodate all the time.

They drink coffee to focus. They use calendars to remember meetings. They put on gym playlists to stay motivated.

But when a neurodivergent person needs noise-canceling headphones or a fidget tool or a visual schedule, suddenly it’s “special treatment.”

Let’s be clear: all functioning is supported functioning. Some people just have invisible scaffolding, and others have to build their own.

Why Internalized Shame Makes Accommodations Hard to Accept

Even when we know supports would help us, we often resist using them. Why?

Because we’ve absorbed the idea that:

Needing help means we’re “not good enough.”
Using tools means we’re “not really doing the thing.”
If we can’t do it without support, it doesn’t count.

This internalized ableism and productivity pressure show up as shame spirals like:

“If I use a planner and still forget things, I must be broken.” “If I need a rest day, I’m falling behind.” “If I use a sensory toy, people will think I’m childish.” “If I can only clean my kitchen with a YouTube timer and an accountability text, am I even a functioning adult?”

Let’s pause here and name this clearly: Using supports does not mean you’re failing. It means you’re resourcing yourself. It means you are showing up despite systems that were never built for your brain.

Self-accommodation is not giving up. It’s adapting creatively. It's reclaiming your right to function in ways that are honest and humane.

Reframing Support as Strength, Not Weakness

We need a cultural reframe around support systems.

Think about athletes. They have coaches, meal plans, physical therapy, mental conditioning, and specialized gear. No one says they’re “cheating.” We admire their commitment to excellence and their strategic use of tools.

Why don’t we extend the same grace to people navigating invisible disabilities or neurodivergent wiring?

True strength isn’t doing everything the hard way. True strength is knowing what works, and making it work for you.

Let’s reframe the narrative:

“I’m weak if I need help” → “I’m wise for recognizing my needs.”
“It doesn’t count if I use supports” → “It counts because I’m showing up in a way that works.”
“Everyone else can do it this way” → “That doesn’t mean it’s the right way for me.”

Self-trust is a muscle. And it grows stronger when we stop waiting to earn our needs and start meeting them with care.

How to Identify Accommodations That Work for You

There’s no universal playbook, but there are patterns. Here are some steps to help you explore what accommodations might support you best:

1. Start with the friction

Ask: What parts of my day feel the hardest or most draining?

It might be…

Task initiation (“I know what I need to do, but I can’t start.”)
Working memory (“I forget steps unless they’re written down.”)
Sensory overwhelm (“Fluorescent lights make me shut down.”)
Decision fatigue (“By afternoon, I can’t even choose what to eat.”)

Identifying the pain point helps you target the right kind of support.

2. Notice what already helps

Ask: What things have made tasks feel easier in the past?

Maybe:

You do better when someone is in the room (body doubling)
Visual timers or colorful checklists keep you grounded
Noise levels, lighting, or clothing textures affect your ability to focus
You need transitions between tasks instead of jumping from one to the next

The strategies you naturally gravitate toward? That’s your brain telling you what works. Listen.

3. Experiment without judgment

Self-accommodation is a process of trial and curiosity.

Try things like:

Using a whiteboard to map out multi-step tasks
Setting a 5-minute “entry point” to tasks that feel overwhelming
Creating a “low-spoons menu” of tasks for burnout days
Asking for flexible deadlines or camera-off options when available

Notice what helps you feel less anxious, more anchored, or more willing to engage. Tweak as needed. There’s no failure, only feedback.

4. Make supports visible and valid

Sometimes, the shame lifts when you talk about accommodations openly.

Practice saying:

“This is what helps me stay regulated.”
“I work best with visual structure.”
“I’ve learned that I need recovery time after social events.”
“I’m still learning how to support myself, and this is part of that.”

Modeling this language for others also helps normalize it for yourself.

Accommodations Aren’t Just About Coping—They’re About Thriving

There’s a common misconception that accommodations are a last resort, a fallback for people who “can’t keep up.” But the truth is, accommodations aren’t just for coping. They are tools for access. For empowerment. For dignity.

They allow people to contribute meaningfully without sacrificing their health.

They help you show up to relationships, work, and passions in ways that are sustainable.

They give your nervous system a break from constantly being in survival mode.

And maybe most importantly, they remind you that your needs are real, and worthy of being met.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Be Supported

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not “less than” because you function differently.

You are resourceful. You are allowed to work with your brain instead of against it. You are allowed to build a life that supports, not punishes, your humanity.

So the next time someone (including your own inner critic) tries to shame you for needing accommodations, you can remind them:

Accommodations aren’t cheating.

They’re how we keep going. They’re how we stay whole. And they’re how we build a life that actually fits.

Looking for More?

If you’re not sure where to begin with self-accommodation, here are some small steps to try this week:

✅ Create a “support menu” of things that help on hard days

✅ Pick one task you dread and brainstorm how to make it easier or more fun

✅ Practice reframing “I shouldn’t need this” to “This is what helps me function”

✅ Connect with others who share your neurotype for community ideas and affirmation

You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to do it the hard way. Support is not weakness. It’s how we rise.

Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some corny fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in tAkron, Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.