How to Make Decisions When Everything Feels Equally Impossible: A Neurodivergent-Friendly Guide
- Emily Linder
- Sep 4
- 5 min read
When Every Option Feels Like a Trap
You’re staring at your options and none of them feel right. Or maybe they all feel equally overwhelming, exhausting, or terrifying. You might go back and forth, spiral in indecision, or freeze completely, paralyzed by the weight of choosing.
If you’re neurodivergent, chronically ill, or simply worn thin by life, decision-making isn’t just hard, it can feel impossible. Not because you’re lazy or incapable, but because the executive functioning and emotional load required to choose can exceed your current capacity.
This post is a judgment-free, shame-free guide to help you find your footing when every option feels like the wrong one.
Why Decision-Making Gets Stuck
Before jumping into solutions, let’s look at why decision-making can become so hard, especially for neurodivergent minds.
1. Executive Dysfunction
Executive dysfunction can make it difficult to weigh options, hold multiple outcomes in mind, or initiate the decision-making process. Even if the options are clear, your brain might stall on translating thought into action.
2. Perfectionism and Fear of Regret
Many people get trapped in “analysis paralysis” because they’re trying to find the perfect option or avoid the pain of future regret. But when all options involve discomfort, trying to pick the pain-free path becomes a losing game.
3. Overwhelm and Burnout
Mental and physical exhaustion reduce your ability to process complex information. Even small choices feel impossible when your nervous system is overloaded.
4. Masking and External Pressure
If you’ve been taught to ignore your internal cues and please others, your internal compass may feel foggy. You might not even know what you want, let alone how to get there.
Step One: Zoom Out Before You Zoom In
When every option feels equally terrible or impossible, it helps to zoom out and orient to what actually matters in a broader sense. Ask yourself:
What am I protecting?
What do I need more of in my life right now (stability, rest, growth, connection)?
What values do I want this choice to align with?
Instead of choosing based on fear or urgency, this helps anchor your decision to a bigger picture.
Example:You’re deciding whether to leave a draining job. Both staying and leaving feel equally risky. Instead of asking, “What’s the right choice?” you ask, “What decision aligns with my value of long-term health?” That doesn’t magically make the decision easy, but it gives you a meaningful direction.
Step Two: Validate That Of Course It Feels Impossible
The goal here isn’t to trick your brain into feeling better, it’s to offer compassion. When the stakes feel high and you’re stuck, it’s not because you’re broken. You’re likely experiencing a nervous system response to perceived threat.
Try saying:
“No wonder I feel stuck. I’m trying to make a big choice with limited capacity.”
“It makes sense that I’m overwhelmed. I’m not choosing between good and bad, I’m choosing between hard and hard.”
“I’m allowed to take my time. This is not a failure.”
Validation reduces shame. And when you lower shame, clarity has more room to enter.
Step Three: Use the “Which Hard?” Framework
When every option is hard, try reframing the question:
Not: Which option is easiest? But: Which hard feels more aligned with my future self?
Every choice has a cost. The goal isn’t to avoid all difficulty, it’s to choose the kind of difficulty that moves you closer to what matters.
Example: Staying in a relationship may feel hard due to constant conflict. Leaving may feel hard due to grief and uncertainty. Which hard leads toward long-term peace or growth?
Step Four: Try the “Two Out of Three” Rule
This is a helpful lens when no option hits all your priorities:
Pick the option that meets at least two out of three:
Supports your nervous system or health
Aligns with your values
Moves you in the direction you want to grow
It’s rare for any option to be perfect. But if you can get two out of three, it’s probably worth pursuing.
Step Five: Shrink the Decision Scope
Big decisions often feel impossible because they are too big. Try reducing the size of the commitment.
Instead of:
“Should I leave this career forever?”
Try:
“What would happen if I took one month to explore other options?”
Instead of:
“Do I end this relationship now?”
Try:
“What boundary or conversation might bring clarity?”
Breaking big choices into experiments allows you to act without locking yourself into irreversible paths.
Step Six: Externalize the Spiral
Get the swirl out of your head. Write it down, talk it out, or map it visually. Try one of these:
A decision tree that branches out possible outcomes
A “worst-case scenario” list to reality-check your fears
A voice memo to your future self talking through the options
A pro/con list with emotional weight added to each item
Sometimes clarity comes not from thinking harder but from letting the tangle unravel outside your brain.
Step Seven: Use Body-Based Cues
If your mind is caught in loops, your body might still know. Try this somatic exercise:
Imagine choosing Option A.
Notice how your body responds.Do you tense up, sigh with relief, feel a tightness or openness?
Then try:
Imagine choosing Option B.
Notice again.
Your body may not scream the answer, but it often offers signals about safety, stress, or resonance. You can also ask:
“Which option feels more like expansion?”
“Which option feels more like contraction?”
Step Eight: Ask Yourself the Anti-Fear Question
Instead of “What if I make the wrong choice?” ask:
“What if there’s no wrong choice—just different paths with different lessons?”
You can’t avoid every risk. But you can build trust in your ability to adapt, repair, and course-correct.
Step Nine: Tap into Future You
Imagine yourself six months or one year in the future. Ask:
What would Future Me thank me for?
What do I want to look back and say I tried?
Which choice helps me become more of who I want to be?
You can even write a letter from your future self, offering encouragement or insight. This activates a sense of forward momentum instead of fear-based paralysis.
Step Ten: Remember That Not Deciding Is a Decision
Sometimes, delaying a decision is valid and wise. But if you’re in indefinite limbo, it’s worth recognizing that not choosing still has a cost.
Ask:
What am I gaining by staying stuck?
What am I losing by postponing?
If I had to pick something for the next two weeks, what would it be?
You can choose a placeholder action while still gathering more information.
Bonus Tools and Prompts
When everything feels equally impossible, it helps to have some go-to scripts and grounding questions.
Grounding Questions:
“What do I have enough information to decide on today?”
“What support or input might help me feel less alone in this?”
“Is this a decision about now or about managing someone else’s expectations?”
Scripts to Try:
“I don’t have to get this perfect. I just have to get through this moment.”
“I can change course later. Right now I’m making the best choice I can.”
“This is hard because I care. That’s not a flaw.”
You’re Not Failing at Life, You’re Navigating It
When decisions feel impossible, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your brain is trying to keep you safe while juggling too much information, too many expectations, and too little clarity.
You don’t need to find the perfect answer. You just need a way forward that feels possible for the version of you that exists right now.
You are allowed to take imperfect action. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to change your mind. And you are absolutely allowed to treat yourself with gentleness in the process.
Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in Columbus, Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.
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