The Emotional Tax of Masking: Unpacking the Long-Term Costs

Emily Linder
Jul 3
6 min read

Why neurodivergent people mask their traits and the toll it takes.

How masking contributes to burnout and identity struggles.

Steps toward unmasking in safe and affirming ways.

Imagine performing on stage for hours every day. You’re in costume, reciting a script that doesn’t quite feel like your own. You’re scanning the audience for cues, adjusting your performance in real time, making sure you’re smiling just enough ,not too much, not too little. Now imagine doing this not for a few hours, but for years. That is what masking feels like for many neurodivergent people.

Masking, also known as camouflaging, is the process of hiding, suppressing, or altering aspects of oneself to blend in with neurotypical expectations. It’s a survival strategy. A way to gain acceptance. A shield against stigma or punishment. But it comes with a cost. And over time, that cost can become a heavy emotional tax that impacts mental health, self-esteem, and even one’s sense of identity.

Let’s explore why neurodivergent people mask, the long-term toll it takes, and what it can look like to begin the journey of unmasking in safer, more affirming ways.

Why Masking Happens: A Strategy for Safety, Belonging, and Survival

Masking isn’t a sign of deception or attention-seeking. It’s often rooted in a deep, often unconscious understanding that certain behaviors, needs, or ways of being are not considered “acceptable” by mainstream society.

For autistic people, masking might include forcing eye contact, mimicking social gestures, hiding stimming behaviors, or scripting conversations. For people with ADHD, it might look like downplaying restlessness, overcompensating with perfectionism, or suppressing impulsivity in favor of “professionalism.”

Many people begin masking in childhood, sometimes without even realizing it. They learn, directly or indirectly, that being their authentic self invites rejection, criticism, or misunderstanding. So they adapt. They become mimic artists, social chameleons, master observers.

Masking can serve a purpose. It can help someone navigate school, maintain employment, avoid bullying, or get through a holiday dinner without conflict. But when it becomes constant, when it becomes the default mode of being—it can slowly chip away at mental well-being.

The Hidden Costs of Constant Performance

1. Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout

The mental energy required to mask is immense. Imagine constantly translating your natural impulses into something more “socially acceptable,” while also managing anxiety about getting it wrong. Over time, this mental load can lead to autistic or ADHD burnout, a state of physical and emotional collapse that can take weeks, months, or even years to recover from.

Unlike general stress-related burnout, neurodivergent burnout often comes from chronic overexertion just to appear normal. It may show up as extreme fatigue, cognitive fog, irritability, increased sensory sensitivity, or a loss of previously learned skills. For many, it feels like the cost of pretending has finally caught up to them.

2. Identity Confusion and Loss of Self

When someone masks for a long time—especially if they’ve never been diagnosed or affirmed in their neurodivergence, it can be difficult to know where the mask ends and the real self begins.

You might find yourself asking:

“What do I actually enjoy, or am I just doing what I think I’m supposed to?”
“Do I even have a personality, or is it all just adaptations?”
“Why do I feel like a fraud, even when people compliment me?”

These are signs of identity dysphoria, not in the gender-related sense, but in the “I don’t know who I am when I’m not performing” sense. It can be deeply distressing and can interfere with forming authentic relationships, setting boundaries, and feeling grounded in your own body.

3. Mental Health Struggles

Masking is strongly associated with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in neurodivergent people. When someone suppresses their true self to gain acceptance, it reinforces the internal belief that their authentic self is not acceptable.

This chronic invalidation can lead to a persistent sense of shame and unworthiness—feelings that are often misdiagnosed or misunderstood by providers unfamiliar with neurodivergent experiences.

It also erodes self-trust. If you’re constantly policing your natural reactions, it’s hard to trust your instincts, which are vital for things like decision-making, self-advocacy, and recognizing unsafe situations.

What Does Unmasking Look Like?

Unmasking is not as simple as flipping a switch. For many, masking has been deeply ingrained for years, even decades. And while the goal isn’t necessarily to stop masking entirely, especially in situations where it may still be necessary for safety, many people find healing in slowly, intentionally reconnecting with their authentic selves.

Here’s what that can look like:

1. Building Self-Awareness With Compassion

Before unmasking, it helps to understand what parts of yourself you’ve been masking, and why. You might start noticing things like:

“I always script my texts instead of just saying what I mean.”
“I pretend I’m fine at work, but collapse when I get home.”
“I laugh at jokes I don’t understand because I’m scared of seeming awkward.”

Instead of judging these patterns, approach them with curiosity. Ask: What was I trying to protect myself from? Often, these behaviors originated as adaptive responses to invalidating environments.

This is not about blaming yourself. It’s about recognizing your brilliance and resilience in learning to survive.

2. Experimenting With Safe Spaces to Unmask

Unmasking is less about tearing off the costume in public, and more about gently removing it in the presence of people (or environments) that feel safe, affirming, and curious.

Safe spaces might include:

A neurodivergent support group where stimming is celebrated, not shamed
Friendships where you can say, “Hey, I’m not masking today. Can we just chill without small talk?”
Personal rituals like journaling, movement, or art that help you connect with your body and preferences

Creating a “mask-free zone” can feel strange at first. You might feel exposed, awkward, or emotionally raw. That’s okay. Think of it like letting a long-clenched muscle finally relax, it might ache a little, but it’s also a sign of healing.

3. Reclaiming Joy and Authentic Expression

Unmasking also means exploring the parts of you that were put away or hidden in order to fit in. This can be one of the most joyful, and bittersweet, parts of the process.

Ask yourself:

What sensory experiences actually feel good to me?
What are my true interests, even if they’re “intense” or niche?
What routines or ways of communicating feel easiest and most natural?

You might rediscover a love for flapping your hands when excited, wearing the same cozy outfit on repeat, or diving deep into a hyperfixation without shame. You might cry at how good it feels to simply be yourself, even if you’re still figuring out what that means.

4. Navigating Boundaries and Selective Masking

Unmasking doesn’t mean being vulnerable in every situation. Some environments are still unsafe, inaccessible, or steeped in stigma. It’s okay to use masking strategically, what some call “selective masking”, to get through necessary interactions without sacrificing your energy.

The key difference is that now, you are in control of when and where the mask is worn. It’s a conscious choice, not an unconscious compulsion.

Think of it like a costume you wear for specific roles, one you can take off when the performance ends.

Final Thoughts: You Were Never Broken

For neurodivergent folks, the pressure to mask is a reflection of a world that was not built with us in mind. The cost of that pressure is often invisible, but it’s real. It accumulates. It drains. It isolates.

Unmasking isn’t about becoming more “authentic” so you can be more palatable to others. It’s about reconnecting with the version of yourself that never needed fixing in the first place.

That version may be quieter, louder, sillier, more intense, less filtered, more fluid, or deeply, beautifully specific. And that version deserves space, support, and celebration, not just survival.

You are not too much. You are not broken. And you don’t have to perform to be worthy of belonging.

If you’re on this journey, you’re not alone. Whether you’re just beginning to notice the toll masking has taken, or you’re deep in the process of reclaiming your true self, know that each step matters. You are allowed to move at your own pace. And you are allowed to take up space, exactly as you are.

Looking for more support?Consider connecting with a neurodivergent-affirming therapist, coach, or peer community. You don’t have to unmask alone, and you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some corny fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in Cleveland, Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.