The Spoon Theory and Energy Budgeting for Neurodivergent Minds
- Andrew Linder
- Aug 14
- 6 min read
Understanding limited mental energy, preventing burnout, and reclaiming rest without guilt
If you’ve ever felt like getting through a regular Tuesday requires the energy equivalent of climbing a mountain, but everyone around you seems to be coasting up that hill with ease, it’s not just in your head. For many neurodivergent folks, daily life takes a tremendous amount of internal resources. Executive functioning, social interactions, sensory processing, emotional regulation, they all require energy. And not everyone starts the day with the same amount.
That’s where Spoon Theory comes in.
What Is Spoon Theory?
Spoon Theory is a metaphor created by Christine Miserandino to describe the energy limitations experienced by people with chronic illness. In her original essay, she used spoons as units of energy. Each task, from getting dressed to making dinner, costs a spoon or more. Once you’re out of spoons for the day, you’re done. You don’t just get to push through. You're operating on empty.
Though originally intended to describe physical chronic illness, Spoon Theory resonates powerfully with neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and other conditions that impact cognitive or emotional energy. It offers a compassionate and visual way to understand something many of us have felt but struggled to name: we don’t have infinite energy, and we’re not lazy for needing to manage it.
Neurodivergent Energy Isn't Just About Fatigue
For neurodivergent minds, energy depletion isn’t just about being tired. It’s often mental, emotional, sensory, or social in nature. Think about these examples:
Autistic masking in a workplace meeting or social gathering.
Executive dysfunction turning “start the laundry” into a multi-hour struggle.
ADHD overstimulation after a day of multitasking, interruptions, and noise.
High social demand from navigating small talk, unspoken rules, or new environments.
Each of these can burn through spoons at an alarming rate, faster than most people expect. And because this fatigue is often invisible, we may feel pressured to keep performing as though we're fine.
But just like a phone with a worn-out battery, we may find ourselves suddenly crashing with no warning. That’s not weakness. That’s data.
Why Energy Budgeting Matters
Just like financial budgeting helps you avoid overspending, energy budgeting helps you avoid burnout. It’s a way of acknowledging your real capacity, and making intentional decisions about how to spend your mental and emotional resources.
When you don’t budget your energy, burnout becomes the default. You might say yes to everything, mask through overload, or skip rest because “I haven’t earned it yet.” But the truth is, you don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve care. You can start by planning your day or week around what your nervous system can handle, not just what you wish it could.
Signs You’re Overspending Your Energy
You feel irritable or fragile after simple tasks.
You struggle to recover from social interactions.
You need longer downtime than usual but keep pushing through.
You crash at the end of the day and blame yourself for “not doing enough.”
If these sound familiar, your energy budget might be running a deficit. Let’s explore how to make it more sustainable.
Step One: Take Inventory of Your “Spoons”
Everyone has different energy drains and boosts. Start by mapping out your personal spoon economy.
Common Spoon-Draining Tasks (Your Mileage May Vary):
Responding to emails
Sensory-heavy environments (e.g., crowds, bright lights, noise)
Transitions between tasks
Phone calls or unstructured conversations
Conflict or emotional intensity
Long periods of focus without breaks
Decision-making
Common Spoon-Refilling Practices:
Resting in silence or low-stimulation spaces
Moving your body gently (walk, stretch, rock)
Special interests or “happy stims”
Deep pressure or cozy textures
Laughing, play, creativity
Being with someone safe who “gets it”
You may want to track your days for a week, noticing which activities cost energy and which ones restore it. The goal isn’t to avoid all spoon-spending tasks, but to spend them consciously, just like you would with a financial budget.
Step Two: Plan with Your Energy, Not Just Your Time
Most planners ask, "What do I have time for today?" But the better question is, "What do I have energy for today?"
Try these energy-friendly planning tips:
Color-code your calendar by energy level. Red for high-energy tasks, yellow for medium, green for low.
Alternate energy outputs. Follow a hard task with a soft one. Pair a meeting with a quiet recovery period.
Batch by energy type. Group all low-energy admin tasks in one block and save them for a lower-spoon day.
Plan for recovery. Assume you’ll need recharge time after high-spoon activities—and protect it like an appointment.
This is especially helpful if you struggle with time blindness or motivation swings. By focusing on what’s doable for your nervous system, not just your schedule, you set yourself up for more sustainable productivity.
Step Three: Learn to Say No (or “Not Right Now”)
When you’re spoon-deficient, boundaries aren’t optional, they’re essential. But many neurodivergent people struggle with guilt around saying no. We don’t want to disappoint others. We fear being seen as unreliable. We’ve internalized the belief that our limits are a burden.
Let’s reframe that.
Setting boundaries protects your capacity to say yes to what matters. It’s not selfish. It’s smart stewardship of your energy. Here are a few kind but clear phrases to try:
“I’d love to help, but I don’t have the bandwidth this week.”
“I’m not up for a phone call, but I can text tomorrow.”
“That sounds fun, but I’m low on spoons right now. Rain check?”
“I need to take a beat before I commit—I’ll get back to you soon.”
Boundaries don’t have to be cold or abrupt. They can be warm, relational, and rooted in care for yourself and others.
Step Four: Rest Without Earning It
This might be the hardest shift of all: Rest is not a reward. It’s not something you earn after a to-do list. It’s something you require to function and thrive.
But when you’ve grown up absorbing toxic productivity culture, neurotypical expectations, or internalized ableism, rest often triggers guilt. It can feel like you’re slacking off, giving up, or falling behind.
Let’s be clear: Rest is not failure. Rest is resistance. Rest is medicine. Rest is a radical act of reclaiming your body and brain from systems that tell you to ignore your limits.
Try reframing rest like this:
Instead of: “I don’t deserve a break yet.”Say: “My body is telling me it’s time to recharge.”
Instead of: “I haven’t done enough to rest.”Say: “Rest helps me do the things I care about with less harm.”
Instead of: “Everyone else is managing fine.”Say: “My needs are real, even if they’re different.”
Even five-minute rest rituals count. Close your eyes. Stretch. Sip something warm. Let yourself pause. You’ll return with more capacity than if you pushed through.
Step Five: Build a Spoon-Savvy Support System
You don’t have to manage your energy budget alone. The people in your life can become allies—if you invite them in.
You might say:
“I only have a few spoons today, can we keep it low-key?”
“I’d love help deciding what’s most important to tackle first.”
“Can we do parallel play instead of conversation? I just need quiet company.”
“I’m in spoon debt, can we reschedule?”
If someone doesn’t understand Spoon Theory, you can share an article or even draw a visual of how your energy works. The right people will want to meet you where you are.
And if they don’t? That’s valuable information too. You deserve relationships that honor your energy, not drain it.
Final Thoughts: Your Energy Is Worth Protecting
Living in a world that doesn’t accommodate neurodivergent needs means you're constantly spending extra spoons just to keep up. That reality can be exhausting, but naming it is the first step toward changing it.
You’re not weak. You’re not failing. You’re working so much harder than most people realize. And you deserve tools that respect your real capacity.
Spoon Theory isn’t just a metaphor. It’s a permission slip. A framework. A language of grace.
So today, ask yourself:
🌀 What do I really have the energy for?
🌀 What can wait, delegate, or be done differently?
🌀 Where can I say no so I can say yes to my well-being?
You don’t have to do it all. You just have to take care of the one body and brain you live in. That’s more than enough.
Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some corny fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in Cincinnati, Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.
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