Unlearning Perfectionism: Why “Good Enough” Is More Than Enough

Emily Linder
Aug 7
6 min read

How perfectionism develops in neurodivergent people as a defense mechanism, and why embracing imperfection is the key to healing

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like color-coded planners and pristine to-do lists. Sometimes, it looks like avoiding a task for weeks because it feels too overwhelming to get right. Sometimes, it looks like exhaustion, anxiety, and shame hiding behind an outward appearance of capability. And for many neurodivergent people, perfectionism isn’t a quirk of personality, it’s a survival strategy that once protected them, but now keeps them stuck.

Let’s talk about how perfectionism develops, how it tangles with procrastination and burnout, and why learning to say “this is good enough” might be the most courageous thing you ever do.

Perfectionism as a Defense Mechanism

Perfectionism is often misunderstood as a drive for excellence, when in reality, it’s frequently a reaction to fear, especially for neurodivergent individuals. Autistic people, ADHDers, and other neurodivergent folks often grow up in environments that don’t affirm their ways of thinking, processing, or expressing themselves. Instead, they receive constant (and often subtle) feedback that their natural instincts are wrong, too much, too messy, or too slow.

Over time, this can result in a deep internalization of shame.

Perfectionism steps in as a way to earn safety.

“If I never make a mistake, no one will be mad at me.”
“If I’m the best at this, people will value me even if they don’t understand me.”
“If I do it all perfectly, maybe I won’t get in trouble this time.”

This form of perfectionism is often masked behind high achievement or rigid routines, but its core function is self-protection. It tells us that flawless performance might shield us from judgment, rejection, or punishment. And in systems that punish difference, like many schools, workplaces, and families do, it makes sense why so many neurodivergent people come to rely on it.

But what starts as a strategy to stay safe can become a trap.

When Perfectionism Becomes Paralysis

At first glance, perfectionism might look like a high bar of motivation: someone who wants to get everything just right. But underneath the surface is often a deep fear of failure. And fear doesn’t energize, it shuts us down.

That’s why perfectionism so often leads to procrastination.

If you can’t do it perfectly, why start at all?

If your brain is wired to fixate on details or feel overwhelmed by too many options, the pressure to make the “right” choice or perform flawlessly can lead to total task avoidance. Neurodivergent brains, especially those with executive functioning challenges, may struggle to break big goals into smaller steps. Add in perfectionism, and suddenly even a small project feels like a mountain: one misstep, and the whole thing might come crashing down.

This cycle can look like:

Initial enthusiasm about a new task or idea.
Mounting anxiety as the pressure to do it “just right” sets in.
Avoidance fueled by overwhelm or fear of getting it wrong.
Last-minute panic, often leading to frantic overwork.
Burnout, followed by self-criticism or shame.

This isn’t laziness. This is a brain trying to protect itself from perceived danger, social rejection, failure, humiliation. And it’s exhausting.

Over time, this pattern can lead to burnout, both mental and physical. The cycle of pushing too hard, crashing, and berating oneself for not doing “enough” wears down even the most resilient people. For many neurodivergent individuals, the cost is chronic stress, creative stagnation, and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Why “Good Enough” Is More Than Enough

So what’s the antidote?

Not hustle. Not “just do it.” Not a stricter schedule.

The antidote to perfectionism isn’t discipline, it’s compassionate flexibility.

It’s learning to say:

“Done is better than perfect.”
“This is enough for today.”
“I can come back to this later.”
“My worth is not determined by my output.”

That’s not an excuse for mediocrity, it’s a permission slip to be human. In fact, embracing “good enough” often results in better outcomes over time, because it allows you to actually begin, finish, and recover, without getting trapped in the loop of fear and shame.

“Good enough” thinking does a few powerful things:

1. It reduces friction.

If the bar is perfection, getting started feels impossible. But if the bar is progress, one small step feels doable. Over time, those small steps add up to real momentum.

2. It supports nervous system regulation.

Living in constant anxiety is unsustainable. When you allow yourself to approach tasks with gentleness, your body begins to relax. This calm supports executive functioning, creativity, and decision-making.

3. It makes space for curiosity.

Perfectionism is rigid. “Good enough” thinking leaves room to explore, experiment, and iterate. And for neurodivergent people, many of whom are naturally innovative thinkers, that’s where the magic happens.

Reframing Mistakes as Progress

To unlearn perfectionism, we have to get comfortable with imperfection.

That means changing the way we define success.

Instead of asking:

Was this flawless?Try asking:
What did I learn?
What went well?
What do I want to try differently next time?

Mistakes aren’t failures, they’re feedback. Each imperfect effort moves you forward. In fact, the only way to get better at anything is by being willing to do it imperfectly first.

Progress is messy. Creativity is non-linear. Growth is uncomfortable. And that’s okay.

How to Begin Unlearning Perfectionism

If you’ve used perfectionism as a shield for years, it can be scary to set it down. But here are a few practices to help you gently shift your mindset:

✏️ 1. Set “minimum viable” goals.

Instead of “I need to completely reorganize my office,” try “I will sort one drawer today.” This chips away at the task without triggering overwhelm.

💬 2. Practice “good enough” mantras.

Keep a list of affirmations that reframe success, such as:

“Small steps count.”
“I am allowed to be a work in progress.”
“Imperfect doesn’t mean inadequate.”Repeat them as needed, especially when the pressure starts to creep in.

🧠 3. Revisit the roots.

Ask yourself: What did perfectionism try to protect me from? This question helps shift the narrative from shame to self-compassion. You weren’t “being dramatic”, you were trying to survive.

🌱 4. Celebrate effort, not just outcomes.

Whether it’s showing up to therapy, washing one dish, or sending a slightly awkward email, effort matters. Reward the trying, not just the polish.

🤝 5. Let others see the imperfect you.

One of the hardest parts of unlearning perfectionism is releasing the fear of being judged. Try sharing something unfinished with a trusted person. Letting people witness your messiness can be incredibly healing.

When “Good Enough” Builds a Better Life

There’s a quiet power in deciding that you don’t have to be perfect to be proud of yourself.

When you stop chasing perfection, you make room for rest, creativity, and authentic connection. You become more present. You learn more freely. You recover more quickly. You trust yourself to make mistakes and keep going.

And perhaps most importantly, you begin to believe that who you are is enough, even when what you do isn’t perfect.

Final Thoughts

Perfectionism isn’t a flaw, it’s a response. A deeply ingrained, often unconscious way of trying to stay safe in a world that wasn’t built for neurodivergent brains. But it’s not the only way.

You don’t have to earn your worth through flawlessness. You don’t have to wait until everything is perfect to begin. You are allowed to show up as you are, with what you have, in the way that works for you.

Because “good enough” isn’t settling.

It’s surviving.

It’s starting.

It’s showing up.

And in a world that often demands perfection just to be accepted, choosing “good enough” can be a radical act of self-trust.

You are not broken for struggling with perfectionism. You are brave for choosing to unlearn it.

Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some corny fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in Cleveland, Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.