Why “High-Functioning” Is Just “Struggling Quietly”
- Emily Linder
- Sep 18
- 5 min read
The Problem with Praise Disguised as Pressure
When someone is described as “high-functioning,” it often sounds like a compliment. It’s shorthand for capable, independent, even inspiring. But for many neurodivergent people, being called “high-functioning” feels more like being erased. The reality behind that label is often chronic exhaustion, constant masking, and suffering that flies under the radar because it’s wrapped in competence.
This post explores why “high-functioning” isn’t the harmless label people think it is. We’ll unpack what it obscures, how it contributes to burnout, and why we need to stop equating quiet struggle with true wellness.
What Does “High-Functioning” Even Mean?
The term “high-functioning” is commonly used in clinical, educational, and social contexts to describe people who appear to cope well with daily demands. It might be applied to autistic individuals who are verbal, ADHDers who maintain full-time jobs, or people with anxiety or depression who still get out of bed and perform well at school or work.
But here’s the catch: “functioning” is not a universal or objective measure. It’s often based on neurotypical standards of productivity, social interaction, and emotional regulation. When we say someone is “high-functioning,” we usually mean:
They don’t disrupt others
They appear self-sufficient
They can mask their distress
They maintain the illusion of normalcy
In other words, the term measures how comfortable someone makes the people around them feel, not how well that person is actually doing.
The Hidden Costs of Being “High-Functioning”
1. Constant Masking
To be seen as high-functioning often means becoming an expert at masking. Masking is the process of suppressing natural neurodivergent traits (stimming, blunt honesty, sensory sensitivities, emotional expression) in order to fit in. It’s a survival strategy, not a sign of health.
But masking comes at a cost:
Mental exhaustion
Identity confusion
Increased anxiety and depression
Greater risk of autistic or ADHD burnout
The more someone masks, the more others assume they’re “fine,” which further delays support and recognition of their needs.
2. Support Is Withheld
High-functioning people often don’t receive accommodations because they seem like they’re managing. Teachers, coworkers, and even clinicians may think, “You’re doing well, so you don’t need help.”
This belief is dangerous. Many neurodivergent individuals who present as high-functioning only do so by overextending themselves: sacrificing rest, well-being, and authenticity to keep up appearances. They don’t need fewer supports. They may need more.
3. Struggle Is Invalidated
When someone labeled “high-functioning” opens up about how hard things really are, they’re often met with disbelief or dismissal:
“You don’t look autistic.”
“You seem totally normal.”
“I would never have guessed.”
“But you’re so successful!”
These responses, even when well-meaning, reinforce the idea that visible struggle is the only valid struggle. They also put pressure on neurodivergent people to keep performing wellness instead of actually pursuing it.
Burnout: The Quiet Collapse Behind the Mask
Neurodivergent burnout is often the result of sustained effort to meet expectations that were never designed with your brain in mind. For “high-functioning” individuals, burnout may look like:
Losing the ability to mask or cope
Sudden shutdowns or meltdowns
Physical symptoms (chronic fatigue, headaches, illness)
Withdrawal from relationships and responsibilities
Executive dysfunction and loss of interest in previously manageable tasks
Burnout isn’t a breakdown caused by laziness or poor planning. It’s the predictable crash that follows months or years of pushing beyond sustainable limits. And those labeled “high-functioning” are particularly at risk, because their distress is often invisible until the collapse is undeniable.
Why the Term Does More Harm Than Good
The label “high-functioning” is harmful for several key reasons:
1. It’s Relative, Not AbsoluteSomeone can appear high-functioning in one context (e.g. work) but be deeply struggling in another (e.g. at home, with self-care). The label flattens this complexity.
2. It Creates a False HierarchyIt implies that there are “better” and “worse” ways to be neurodivergent. This hierarchy promotes internalized ableism, divides communities, and discourages solidarity.
3. It Centers Neurotypical ComfortIt reinforces the idea that the best kind of disabled or neurodivergent person is the one who is least disruptive, least visible, and most productive. It prioritizes appearances over truth.
4. It Prevents Honest ConversationsPeople labeled high-functioning may feel ashamed to admit when they’re not coping. They may fear losing respect, support, or autonomy if they stop pretending they’re fine.
What We Should Say Instead
Rather than describing people by how well they seem to perform, we need to shift to language that respects autonomy, affirms experience, and invites support.
Here are some alternatives:
“Has support needs that vary by context”
“Uses masking to navigate social expectations”
“Often internalizes struggle”
“Is currently coping, but at a cost”
“Needs support even if they appear fine”
These phrases focus on needs, not performance. They allow room for nuance, authenticity, and change.
If You’ve Been Labeled “High-Functioning”
If you recognize yourself in this label, here are a few affirmations and reminders:
You don’t have to earn your right to rest.Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. If masking and pushing through are leaving you depleted, that’s not failure. That’s a signal.
You deserve support even if you’re “doing well.”You don’t have to wait until you crash to ask for help. Preventative care, boundaries, accommodations, and rest are valid needs.
Your struggle is real even if it’s invisible.Pain that no one sees still matters. You don’t have to convince others your experience is hard in order for it to be true.
You are not a problem to solve.Being neurodivergent isn’t a flaw you need to hide. You’re allowed to exist in your fullness, not just in your polished version.
For Allies and Support Systems
If you’re a teacher, therapist, manager, or loved one of someone labeled “high-functioning,” here’s how you can help shift the narrative:
Don’t assume ability from appearance.Ask how someone is doing beneath the surface. Performance doesn’t always reflect reality.
Normalize asking for help.Create environments where support isn’t something you have to “deserve,” but something freely offered and tailored.
Listen without minimizing.If someone shares that they’re struggling, resist the urge to say, “But you seem fine!” Instead try, “Thank you for telling me. How can I support you?”
Be mindful of language.Avoid using labels like “high-functioning” or “low-functioning.” Instead, focus on specific strengths, needs, and communication styles.
Redefining Functioning: A Compassionate Framework
Let’s challenge the idea that functioning should be defined by productivity or conformity. Instead, consider asking:
Is this person safe?
Are their needs being met?
Do they feel free to be authentic?
Are they connected to supportive people?
Do they have room to rest and recover?
This is a more compassionate measure of thriving. It invites a shift from performance-based validation to genuine well-being.
You’re Allowed to Need Things
The label “high-functioning” may look like praise, but it often masks a deeper reality. It overlooks how much energy goes into appearing fine. It perpetuates harmful ideas about worth, ability, and who gets to access care.
If you’ve been carrying the weight of being the one who “holds it together,” you’re not alone and you don’t have to keep struggling quietly. You’re allowed to need rest, help, space, and understanding. Not later, when things get worse. Right now, just as you are.
Let’s retire the term “high-functioning” and replace it with something better: curiosity, compassion, and care for the whole person, not just the polished surface.
Disclaimer: This content is NOT meant to be a replacement for therapy. This is also not treatment advice or crisis services. The purpose of this content is to provide education and some fun. If you are interested in receiving therapy look up a therapist near you! If you are in Ohio visit www.calibrationscc.com to schedule with one of our counselors today! We offer free video consultation calls so you can make sure we will be a good fit for you.
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